The Marshmallow Theory
My last blog post did in fact get a little heavy. I definitely have feelings on the subject of control systems and freedoms, but that’s okay. I think it’s fine to get passionate about causes near and dear to one’s heart- and being free of oppression is probably the subject I’m most ardent about- control is the very thing keeping us sick. If you’ve read my blog up to this point, you know that doctors are not taught how to heal a body, they are taught how to hide a symptom, and make money in the process. This does not lead to health- so why do we leave our health in the hands of people who stand to profit off our sickness? Why do we trust them?
Because we have been taught that to trust ourselves is wrong. That doing our own research is wrong. That babies are born sick and need a cocktail of injections days after birth. That trusting the plants that God created will harm us, while popping pills made in a factory will cure us. Our entire worldview is BACKWARDS and most of us are too timid to call it out. But I’m not. Of course I’m not.
Why is this post titled The Marshmallow Theory? What do marshmallows have to do with anything?
As expected, I’ll happily tell you.
Let’s pretend you’re a marshmallow, in a bag with a bunch of other marshmallows. You’re brought along on a camping trip. You’re huddled, all naked and raw, in a bag with a hundred other marshmallows. You’re brought out late at night, under the stars, and you see a teenage boy grab one of your fellows out of the bag, spear it, and hold it over a fire. Suddenly, you start to get worried, nervous, and anxious. “I don’t want to go over a fire,” you say to yourself, quivering with fear. “I might burn!” As you express your anxiety to your fellow marshmallows, the whole bag seems to be divided into two camps- the group that says it’s better to stay in the bag where they’re safe, and the group that says, “But being toasted is what we are made for!”
Of course, no one likes a REALLY burnt marshmallow (except my husband, who for some reason really enjoys a good char on his by the time it hits the s’more) and of course there are those folks who will eat a raw marshmallow if they’re hanging around and the fire is crowded. But where is the real goodness? That’s right- riiiight in the middle. That glorious place in between raw and burnt, where the crunchy, toasty, warm, golden exterior and gooey, melty interior hit that exact spot that is so satisfying to eat. That is where 95% of people alive on this planet agree is the absolute best state for a marshmallow to be in, and I wholeheartedly agree (shoutout to ChocZero for making monkfruit marshmallows I can enjoy on a low-sugar diet!)
Marshmallows were never meant to stay in the bag forever. Even if a small toddler handles one carelessly and it turns into tar over the flame, that’s still what marshmallows were made for- for the experience of feeling the fire on their outside before they’re through with this short experience they call life.
I have been sober of alcohol for over three years now. I have not had a single alcoholic drink since March of 2023. I did have a couple of non-alcoholic beers in Europe (you order them off the non-alcoholic menu despite a fraction of a percent of alcohol remaining in it. I never broke my sobriety; it was actually the carb content that bothered me, so I never had one again.) For a while I was an alcohol purist- I wouldn’t cook with wine, I refused to eat fermented foods, and I wouldn’t even feel right about using vanilla in something I was baking.
And then I learned something- people who avoid ANYTHING fermented because of religious reasons (and I lumped myself into that category for a year or so) are actually doing harm to their gut microbiome because the human body was actually created to utilize ferments to create good bacteria in the stomach. It was a wild realization- and one that I learned about in nutritional counseling school. Ferments are a HUGE part of not only our culture as human beings, but something that we actually need in order to stay healthy! A healthy gut equals a healthy mind, and when we avoid something for “religious” reasons rather than reasons based upon science or trial and error, we do harm to ourselves in the pursuit of being “obedient” or “good.”
To tie it together: A lot of us were born into a plastic bag, and taught as we grew up that there is no life outside the bag. That if you leave the bag you will absolutely burn, and you will regret ever leaving the bag. There are people I know who actively cling to their plastic bag to avoid being held over a fire, because they are truly afraid of burning. And in doing so, they become the marshmallow at the very bottom of the bag that sticks to the bag and ends up in the trash at the end of the night, never to have the experience that they were created to have.
I’m not saying go out and do heroin. I’m not saying go leave your committed marriage for a polyamorous fling in Mexico. I am saying, however, that if you are in a plastic bag, and you fear leaving the bag because you might “sin” and “go to hell,” you are already in a form of hell, from my perspective. Sure, there’s the 1% chance that you end up a little extra toasty because someone held you a little too close to the flame, but the people who allow their marshmallows to catch on fire probably enjoy them that way.
Anyone who has read my Walking Dumpster Fire book knows I’m no stranger to taking stupid risks that should have killed me 100 times over. I definitely don’t recommend living like I did… but you know something? That entire series of YEARS of absolute hellish agony ended up part of my story, and I’m healthier now than I ever would have been had I never did anything stupid. I repeat- I am healthier now after all my messups than I would have been had I never messed up at all. Do you know why? Because without the jolt to my system, I never would have researched how to get well, and in doing so, learned how much we’d been lied to about health our whole lives.
In short- learn to trust the hands holding you over the fire.
Across the course of my life, there has been a saying that has stuck by me: Leap, and the net will appear. I have positively leapt over cliffs that would terrify most people alive, and I have found a hammock under me each time. When you truly trust God, you leap, trusting that those nets will appear under us. It is only those who do not trust God who refuse to take chances, who refuse to leave their plastic bag because someone else has told them that they will burn if they do so. Why do we listen to MAN instead of trusting the God who made us? We were made to be toasted, people! We were created to have all kinds of wild experiences and trust that it’s going to work out fine in the end!
Jesus never said “Don’t Go Astray.” Manmade religions teach that as rigid control systems so that their congregation is robbed of life experiences that might make them self-sufficient enough to not need their church anymore, and I will die on that hill. Jesus promised that when we DID go astray, He would find us. He of course said “Go and sin no more” after we wandered off and were found, but Jesus NEVER said “don’t wander off in the first place.” Do you know why? Because wandering off and getting lost is how we actually cement our faith in the Creator. Taking a stupid risk that ends up biting us squarely in the butt and working through that is how we build a lot of character qualities that we never would have developed otherwise if we’d clung to our plastic bags. When we refuse to even approach the fire, we are wasting our lives. We think we’re being devout and careful and will be rewarded in the next life… but in my experience, this is the life we’ve been blessed with, and wasting it being scared of going even 5% outside of our comfort zone based on rigid control systems is no kind of life at all.
We were created to be toasted.
Don’t be afraid of marijuana, kombucha, swear words, rock music, R-rated movies, saunas, powerlifting, parasailing, taking solo vacations, or trying something drastically new. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, lose your temper, get involved in a righteous conflict, or learn how to kick people in the head.
God will work that toastiness into your story.
I am living proof.
Sure- I ended up a bit extra toasty. My husband prefers me that way. It got a little hot while I was getting roasted, but trust me, his “Mmmmm” when I was done and landed squarely on a Graham (never mind the pun, though it hilariously applies) was worth the heat. And in the end, I was not harmed at all. I lived out my purpose, and I was enjoyed at a camp site, just like God intended. I am now healthier, happier, freer, more optimistic and peaceful than I EVER was before my traumatic brain injury- so it goes to show you that apparently God planned for me to have a severe drug addiction, several years of mental hell, and to recover from it- if for no other reason than to show my loved ones it can be done. Which means that if God intended for me to have a drug addiction and drag myself through hell… why are we taught absolute abstinence from anything that could toast us?
I think because it prevents us from ever truly knowing that God will save us. I have this knowing because I was saved- but how can God save us if we never do anything we need saving from?
Food for thought.
